Pow, it hits hard when you haven't partied in a long time. Tonight was my night to soften reality and enjoy myself. A bit of home style drinking and my mind is fuzzy and warm. The world has been overwhelming for the past few weeks. Tonight I spoke with my friend on the cell phone for about 2 hours. She and I have so much in common, but she never finds me desirable in a physical way. I can tell her anything and she does not judge me. She has done everything I have in the party scene. Vodka is our drink of choice, and when we are together partying, we laugh ourselves silly.

That happened a couple of weeks ago. I spent about 7 or 8 hours at her place where we put back a full bottle of Finlandia vodka. She started getting horny and spanking my ass regularly every time I stood up. All night long we just kept flirting but she never did anything except spank me.
Well it was fun.

Busy as hell. Got hit in the rear at a stop light three days ago. A Chinese boy of about 18 yrs, tried to pull a fast lane change in the middle of a thunderstorm and torrential downpour. It was hard to see, let alone drive, and he decides to slip into my lane in a hurry at the peek of the storm. Slammed into my rear bumper so hard, he left the imprint of his licence plate in the molded plastic.

Well the insurance company is all on my side and approved the repairs today, but I have to wait till the parts come in before I can take the rental car. Pain in the ass, but life is like that. Just when I get comfortable, I get screwed.

Disclosure

I've come to the conclusion that there is nobody in the entire world who can be trusted with my heart. My feelings are just play things to women. Love is a stranger to me. I used to believe in love, but now I have a hard time believing in friendship. Women cannot be trusted. They stab me in the back at every opportunity. Take whatever they can weasel out of me and leave me tossed aside like a dirty napkin.

Shit happens to me all the time. Mostly when I allow my heart to play with my mind. I have to stop that. Disconnect the emotions from the heart. Give me back my stony heart, it never hurt. Screw the world, and all the girls who promised they would always be there for me. They were never there when I needed someone.

I have to stay in a strange city and take care of my sister's dog while she goes on a trip. So here I am in a place full of beautiful women, but I don't trust any of them. Not one. I wrote to my friend three times since I came to this city, but she has not felt the need or desire to respond even once. Even then, if she does, I bet it is about her or something that happened to her today. It won't refer to anything I have spoken of. She is turning out to be like all the other women in the world. I am my best friend and the only one who can be trusted.

Recovery

Damn, it takes a long time to recover from pneumonia. I have been forced to rest for the past few weeks by my doctor. He warned me to stay away from the gym until I fully recover or I could relapse. This has proven difficult to say the least. At least I could walk, so I pushed myself to the limit every day.

Today, I got encouragement from my doctor. My lungs are clear, and I can return to the gym in a week, just slowly. Hurray! Time to get my muscles back in shape. In the meantime, my girl friend has been waiting for my help with her financial difficulties. She wants me to come up with a new occupation for her. Is she kidding? I got involved to help her out a bit, but I am having a hard time helping her and her kids.

Looking forward to the future becoming better than the past. My hopes are for new friends and energy to live on. More money to enjoy myself with, new women in my life. I need someone who appreciates me all the time, not just when I can help out.