A New Year

Wow, been a while since I added a new entry to my blog. Funny how life can get in the way when making plans. Here it is 2011, and a brand new opportunity to make something of myself if I keep up my dedication to improvement. If only it was that easy.

I'm a guy who loves the outdoors and takes every opportunity to get out there every day. The only restriction is my physical health which, as time passes, is continually changing. With age comes wisdom to see the whole picture. When I was young I thought it comical to hear older people comparing health problems, injuries, aches and pains, with more detail than I wished to hear. They seemed to enjoy sharing these stories with the same pleasure a world traveler would share their adventures. Was that going to be me one day? No way!

Jump ahead 30 plus years and here I am following in those same footsteps. I just spent the past New Years with an old friend from high school. Had not seen her in over 30 years! We shared stories of our achievements and failures in that same manor, but what really stood out was our comparing of our health histories. We happily shared our lists of injuries and surgeries like they were great accomplishments. Like a game of poker, she would reveal something and I would respond with an ailment of my own, as though raising the bet. Does that mean the one with the most scars win, and what do we actually win? One thing is for sure in this life, we don't get out of it alive and unscathed. Battle scars, that is what we end up with. Those same grunts and sighs my parents and their friends made when getting up and sitting down, I now make them! My own joints will snap and crack at the most inopportune times, a sign of the wear and tear I've put them through, but I won't quit. Use it or lose it, this has never seemed so true. Just over a year ago I had my third eye surgery and recovery has been long and painful but worth it just to continue to see. I've learned to be grateful and not complain. Count my blessings, not failures.

Oh God, what a night. As if the past 3 days were not enough of a trip, tonight I am buzzing. There is no pain in this body worth complaining about. Having achieved the age of 50, I realize I also achieved the age of chronic discomfort, or pain as it is normally called. Get used to it, that's all I can do.

While I was away, the world continued on in a different location on the planet. My life is the same, no better. My friend is telling me of sexual adventures that blow my mind. Let's see, it's been nearly 5 years since I had sex with a woman. Part of me screams silently for change in my life, a woman to spend time with, that's all I desire. Someone to share my experiences with. The world is a very big place, and best shared by the side of another who appreciates it as much as I do. I want her to see the beauty of nature as I do each day. In all my adventures, I have yet to find such a lady.

Now it is Thanksgiving, and I am still alone. This sucks. What is it like to be loved?

Time change

Get back to reality. Been a while since I spent time at the computer, especially keeping up with my blog. Since last I wrote, I have had another birthday, the big five-O. Fifty years old is a point in my life when I look back at my accomplishments and failures and try to understand what I could have done better. Just because some things were successful, does not mean it could not have been handled better.

I have received many compliments since my birthday, that I look much younger than I really am now. Guess all the years of physical exercise and reduced dietary intake have been paying off. Seemed like nothing changed for years though. But now, my closest friend keeps telling me I am too skinny now. This is not true, I am back to an acceptable weight and my time spent at the gym has built up my muscles, and the endless walking I do, leaned down my body. I enjoy being thin.

For some reason, I now attract the attention of women everywhere. I always catch them looking at me. For the first time in my life, I enjoy being out there in the public eye. Flirting with every cute woman I end up meeting. Life should be fun, but it is only as fun as you make it in your mind. I am learning to be unaffected by being rejected by women. Not everyone will find me acceptable, that's okay. I just let it go and move on, smile as though nothing was going wrong in my life.

Well, yesterday, I bumped into a girl down at the lake that I met about 3 weeks ago. We hit it off then, but parted with no exchange of information to contact each other. Yesterday, I was passing her by, but something inside told me I knew her. She clued in just after me. Again we spent a good hour talking and laughing together out on the end of the pier. We just blend together so simply. She is not drop dead gorgeous, but a very nice woman, with a great sense of humor. But again, we parted with no exchange of information. But she still maintains the attitude, that we will meet again soon down here at the lake.

Pow, it hits hard when you haven't partied in a long time. Tonight was my night to soften reality and enjoy myself. A bit of home style drinking and my mind is fuzzy and warm. The world has been overwhelming for the past few weeks. Tonight I spoke with my friend on the cell phone for about 2 hours. She and I have so much in common, but she never finds me desirable in a physical way. I can tell her anything and she does not judge me. She has done everything I have in the party scene. Vodka is our drink of choice, and when we are together partying, we laugh ourselves silly.

That happened a couple of weeks ago. I spent about 7 or 8 hours at her place where we put back a full bottle of Finlandia vodka. She started getting horny and spanking my ass regularly every time I stood up. All night long we just kept flirting but she never did anything except spank me.
Well it was fun.

Busy as hell. Got hit in the rear at a stop light three days ago. A Chinese boy of about 18 yrs, tried to pull a fast lane change in the middle of a thunderstorm and torrential downpour. It was hard to see, let alone drive, and he decides to slip into my lane in a hurry at the peek of the storm. Slammed into my rear bumper so hard, he left the imprint of his licence plate in the molded plastic.

Well the insurance company is all on my side and approved the repairs today, but I have to wait till the parts come in before I can take the rental car. Pain in the ass, but life is like that. Just when I get comfortable, I get screwed.

Disclosure

I've come to the conclusion that there is nobody in the entire world who can be trusted with my heart. My feelings are just play things to women. Love is a stranger to me. I used to believe in love, but now I have a hard time believing in friendship. Women cannot be trusted. They stab me in the back at every opportunity. Take whatever they can weasel out of me and leave me tossed aside like a dirty napkin.

Shit happens to me all the time. Mostly when I allow my heart to play with my mind. I have to stop that. Disconnect the emotions from the heart. Give me back my stony heart, it never hurt. Screw the world, and all the girls who promised they would always be there for me. They were never there when I needed someone.

I have to stay in a strange city and take care of my sister's dog while she goes on a trip. So here I am in a place full of beautiful women, but I don't trust any of them. Not one. I wrote to my friend three times since I came to this city, but she has not felt the need or desire to respond even once. Even then, if she does, I bet it is about her or something that happened to her today. It won't refer to anything I have spoken of. She is turning out to be like all the other women in the world. I am my best friend and the only one who can be trusted.

Recovery

Damn, it takes a long time to recover from pneumonia. I have been forced to rest for the past few weeks by my doctor. He warned me to stay away from the gym until I fully recover or I could relapse. This has proven difficult to say the least. At least I could walk, so I pushed myself to the limit every day.

Today, I got encouragement from my doctor. My lungs are clear, and I can return to the gym in a week, just slowly. Hurray! Time to get my muscles back in shape. In the meantime, my girl friend has been waiting for my help with her financial difficulties. She wants me to come up with a new occupation for her. Is she kidding? I got involved to help her out a bit, but I am having a hard time helping her and her kids.

Looking forward to the future becoming better than the past. My hopes are for new friends and energy to live on. More money to enjoy myself with, new women in my life. I need someone who appreciates me all the time, not just when I can help out.